


This Ain't Twilight, Mate

by redcursive



Category: Hermitcraft RPF
Genre: Gen, Shenanigans, Vampire!Mumbo, Werewolf!Ren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:00:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26627911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redcursive/pseuds/redcursive
Summary: Mumbo's a vampire and he's just been found out. What is a spoon to do?!
Comments: 8
Kudos: 157





	This Ain't Twilight, Mate

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SamSkyMagpie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamSkyMagpie/gifts).



> congrats @samskymagpie on tumblr for winning the fic raffle!! for anyone interested, i may be doing another fic raffle, so go check out redorich.tumblr.com for a chance to enter!! <3

Funnily enough, it was Ren who caught on first. It was an average day, nothing out of the ordinary and Mumbo had done absolutely nothing to give himself away, he thought. He was simply minding his own business, being suitably impressed with Ren's Quadrachopper, when Ren paused in the middle of his dramatic retelling of the tale of Roadtrip Sally and started sniffing him.

"Uh, mate?" Mumbo asked, mildly weirded out.

"You smell like blood," he said with wide eyes.

Mumbo began to sweat, stammering, "Oh, well, you know, I was working on a design for a leather farm, and, well, cows--"

"You smell like chicken blood," Ren corrected seriously.

"Right!" Mumbo fidgeted with his suit jacket cuffs. "Right, because it was a chicken farm! Did I say cow? I meant chicken."

Why was he such a bad liar?!

Ren squinted at him. Mumbo smiled nervously.

"You have fangs. With blood on them," Ren noted blandly.

Puffing out his chest, Mumbo confidently posited, "Those're just my canines, mate. You're seeing things."

Ren tilted his head, much like one of Joe's not-so-secretly placed dogs. "I definitely saw blood."

Mumbo shrunk into himself-- no easy feat, considering how many times Iskall had called him a "lanky boi" in the past week.

"Oh, er, it was the funniest thing, you'll never believe it!" Mumbo said. "The chicken exploded--"

"You're a vampire, aren't you."

Shit, play dumb! "Who-- wha-- psh, me?! What's a vampire?" Too dumb!

_ Thud. _ The two men jumped, turning to the noise. Behind them was Grian, dusting off his sweater and allowing his elytra to flutter shut. He must have just arrived from the shopping district.

“Mumbooo,” the man  ~~ whined ~~ groaned, “you’re late.”

With a jolt, Mumbo realized that Grian was right. The two of them were supposed to visit Grumbot!

Mumbo started, fluttering his elytra. “Right, totally my bad, I'll just get going--”

“Hey Grian, did you know that Mumbo’s a vampire?”

Mumbo went still ( _ deathly _ still, one might say), but Grian laughed. “Pull the other one!”

No one laughed but Grian. Silence hung awkwardly in the air between them.

“You're not joking, are you,” he said. No one answered him. Standing on his toes (because really, why on earth was Mumbo so tall?!), Grian placed his hands on Mumbo’s shoulders to get a good look at the man's face.

“...Er.” Mumbo said. “It's not what it looks like?”

A fang peeked out of Mumbo's awkward smile. Grian's eyes narrowed.

“Have you ever gotten something stuck on your fangs?” Grian blurted out.

Mumbo and Ren were both taken aback. “Wot?”

Grian's fingers, strong from building, dug into Mumbo's shoulders. “Can you actually turn into a swarm of bats? How do you get your moustache to look so perfect if you can't see yourself in the mirror? Do vampires and werewolves-- oh, is that how you could tell, Ren?”

“Huh?” Ren said eloquently.

“S’not Twilight, mate,” Mumbo laughed.

Grian groaned dramatically, letting go of Mumbo to kick off the ground and hover with his elytra for a few seconds. “Why didn't you tell me?!  _ Think of the possibilities.  _ We could have totally abused your super mega awesome vampire powers--”

“Of doom,” Ren added humorously.

“Of doom,” Grian agreed, “to get one over on everyone. Omega pranks!”

Raising an eyebrow, the vampire shrugged, looking away. “I thought you'd be scared.”

Grian rolled his eyes. “If you were going to eat me, you would have done it years ago. How many times have I chicken bombed you, with no consequences?”

“I wouldn't eat you!” he squawked.

“Obviously. A proper gentleman at least needs a fork.”

Ren looked up at the sky, as though praying for some unknown power to grant him the strength to deal with his friends, who were now attempting to whack each other with “forks” (tridents). Why had he ever thought Mumbo might have been dangerous?

After all, Mumbo may have been a vampire, but no one ever said he was  _ good at it. _


End file.
